The Future

Lately I've realized that I'm just about half way done with my undergrad and still am not quite sure what I want to do exactly. And let me tell you, it absolutely scares me. Sure, I have some idea but I'm worried about waking up one day and completely regretting what I've done with my life. There are still so many questions to be answered. Do I find a job right after I graduate? Do I continue to get my Master's? If so, do I go into Public Health or is PA school right for me? Where do I go? What if I don't get in? These are the questions that keep me awake at night and stress me out daily. And after talking to a few friends, I'm definitely not alone. I've been in school the majority of my life so it's a little hard to imagine school not being there. Whoever thought you could call school a security blanket? But that's kind of what it is. College feels like a stepping stone where I still have that safety net before jumping into the "real world." Right now I'm getting closer to that last stone and hesitating on what direction to head next. Last night a thought hit me. There's already someone who knows what direction I'm heading and He has been preparing this path for a long time. At least I can be confident that no matter what should come I have all the support I need. It's just a matter of trusting a plan where I'm not quite sure of that outcome. That in itself is pretty daunting, especially for someone who doesn't like to go anywhere without directions. But maybe it's not supposed to be easy. This could be our major challenge: to give up control to someone who knows much more than we do. It would almost be cliche for me to quote "Jesus, Take the Wheel" right now, but think about it...it's pretty much the truth.

Dead Week

Today marks the beginning of dead week...I'm not sure if that's supposed to be ironic or not. All I know is that for the next week I can mostly be found in my room studying for this plethora of finals that I have. Great. At least it's the one time no one can fault me for not having a social life. I'm definitely ready to go home for a break...and not just one of those long weekend teasers. I'm talking about multiple weeks not having to worry about school. I do have to say that this semester has flown by. Three down (almost). Part of me feels like I've been in college forever, but at the same time it feels like I just moved here. Maybe it's a good thing it's going fast, because who knows how many more years I have left. (That's not a happy thought.) But....IT'S ALMOST CHRISTMAS! Christmas happens to be my favorite holiday. I love being able to spend time with my family. It's the one time of year we can all find time to be together. As we get older it has been getting harder and harder to find time with everyone's busy schedules. So who knows how many more years we'll be able to keep this up. It's a little sad, but exciting too. Some days I think "Wow, I'm 20. Where did all the time go?" And other days I'm running around in the snow acting like a kid. Who knows where I'll be in the future, but, for the most part, the present is really fun.

I'll be home in a little less than 2 weeks. That means I'll get to see Caitlin, who has been gone since September. If you're reading this, enjoy your last week(s) in the DR! I can't wait to catch up!

Good times with old friends

Last night I had a chance to catch up with some old friends: Caitlin, Emilee, and Harmony. (Yes, I realize how much that sentence might make me seem older than merely 19 haha). We had kind of all gone our separate ways, living our own lives, but it was great to make time to see people that I've really grown up with. Since I moved to Fort Wayne when I was 5 and gone to the same church ever since, the three of them have been a part of my life in some way or another for almost 15 years. That is a major part of my life. We all decided that friends from church are definitely different from friends you may have at school. Youth group activities, Christmas plays, convention, mission trips...these people have seen me at my best and at my worst. Even though we aren't the same age, or even at the same point in our lives, it feels like we don't run out of things to talk about. The night was full of laughter...and food. I still don't think I'm hungry after probably eating a basket of chips by myself. What can I say? I like salsa and Cebolla's queso. I really feel like I'm growing up and part of that is making time to see old friends. There's some saying about making new friends and keeping the old ones, but I forget the rest. It is important though, I may make new friends at school but the old friends are really the ones who know me best. They know my family, where I come from, and most of all, my past. I'm really hoping we can see each other more often...who knows, maybe when we're all moms we'll drag our kids along and tell them about when we were younger. And I'll probably still be able to demolish a basket of chips by myself. Maybe 2...dare to dream.

Vacation

Well, I'm updating from a very uncomfortable pull out couch in Virginia Beach. Apparently if traffic is bad and you get to your hotel 3 hours later than planned, they will switch you from a room with two queen size beds to one king and a pull out couch. Yay?? Oh well...thanks to my dad's skills in persuasion I think we'll be moved tomorrow. We are all tired and just ready to relax on the beach...weather permitting. I think there is some rain expected. As much as I have enjoyed spending time with my family, I'm not going to lie...I'm ready to be back home. Williamsburg and Fredricksburg were interesting. I've found history has lost some of its appeal, but I guess that is to be expected. I do hope Matthew considers William and Mary. It seems like a good school. Plus 12 hours away doesn't seem too depressing to me. I'm sure my mom might find it hard if her baby is living that far away.

Two weeks until I move back to Purdue. I'm seriously starting to get excited. It's time to get back and I'm feeling the need to be busy again. Not that physics didn't keep me busy, it's just that I'm ready to be learning things I'm actually interested in. Like organic chemistry...not. It should be an interesting but tough year. I'm definitely excited to start rooming with Emily. Should be one big party all the time...just kidding. We'll actually get our homework and studying done. I hope.

I'll be home in a few days. Look for pictures then. I have some good ones :)

Thank God for Friends...and Slushies

It has just been one of those weeks where I think "Ugh, can it just be over already?!" I really hate it when things don't go as I had planned. I'll admit it...I like to be in control. Then when things don't work out, I realize that I actually have control over very little. Without going into too much detail, I'll just say that it's one of those things that has really made me want to be by myself and just get away for awhile. I'm sooooooo ready to go back to Purdue. I miss my friends...and most of all, I miss being busy. Having nothing to do is the worst thing ever when you're trying really hard NOT to think about what has been happening and what you could have done differently. Hindsight is 20/20...and it's not like I'm a time traveler who could change the past. Sometimes I think that lack of ability is extremely unfortunate. Oh well. No use dwelling. And that's where I get to my point: thank God for friends. I've been reminded, once again, how lucky I am to have such great friends. As much as I want to curl up in my bed and sleep for days, they've forced me to get out of the house and have some fun. Last night as I was riding in a car through Leo and Grabill drinking a slushie, blasting country music, and singing at the top of my lungs I realized that I hadn't thought about the previous days at all. I had forgotten to be unhappy. Thank you Amanda. Although is it really possible to be unhappy while drinking a giant slushie?
In other news, tomorrow I'll be done with summer classes. It's about time. And Tuesday I'm leaving for Virginia with my family. 10 hours in the car should be interesting, but I'm looking forward to spend time with them. It's weird to think that this could be one of the last family vacations we ever take. Time really does fly. So this week I'll be setting aside technology (or at least trying to set my cell phone aside) and enjoying some time with the family.
I hope everyone has a good week.

A trip back "home"

This weekend I made one last trip to visit my grandparents before summer was over. It never ceases to amaze me how a place I moved away from almost 15 years ago has never stopped feeling like another home. I'm glad my parents have put up with my frequent trips out there and thankful my grandparents are never too busy to invite me and whoever I might drag with me into their home. Of course I grumble a little bit when I pull in the drive and right away my grandpa has me out pulling weeds or power washing the deck, but hey, he lets me drive around on his land cruiser so I'm pretty happy. I'm starting to realize it's just his way of spending time with me. His sarcastic sense of humor never comes out quite as much as when he's making fun of me for being from the city (if you can call the outskirts of Fort Wayne the city) or trying to convince me that RFD TV is the greatest television show on the planet. Now I know where I get it from. Although I suppose my grandma never fails to surprise with a zinger of her own. And baking a pie with my grandma is a way for her to teach me something she thinks is important. Plus it's a time for us to talk about deep things in life or to always remember to taste the peaches so you can add enough sugar. Overall I had a great weekend whether it was my grandpa asking my opinion about how his beans looked ("umm they look great grandpa?") or everyone falling asleep Sunday afternoon while watching the Hallmark channel. I also got the chance to visit with my aunt and uncle, one of my cousins and his wife, and some friends of the family. We all had such a good time, and once again, it definitely has made me miss living in Illinois. Will I move back eventually? I have no clue, even though my grandma is convinced that once I'm done with school I'll move back and get a job with a doctor around there. That doesn't sound like a bad idea, but only time will tell. There must be something special about being there because Matthew and I even get along...I know, shocker. During the combined 8 hours of the trip, we probably had better conversations then we have had in a year. I wish I had some pictures from the weekend to post, but, like always, I completely forgot about my camera. Oops. I'll try to do better next time.

VBS...one week later

Last week I had the great opportunity (yes I said great) of helping with the kindergarden class at bible school. Caitlin and I averaged about 5-7 kids per night, but man were they energetic. Every night I would go home exhausted, but I'd definitely say it was all worth it. I had forgotten how open kids are when it comes to their thoughts. Thursday night I was sitting at the end of the row for the closing songs and short program. All the leaders were given trash bags and the kids told us some things they had done that were wrong in order to "put them in the trash bags." There were all sorts of responses such as "Once I hit my sister" and "I didn't clean my room when my mom asked me to, but I said I did." Then the trash bags were hung on a cross at the front of the sanctuary. We started singing Amazing Love (which happens to be one of my favorites) and a man dressed in a white robe started walking down the center aisle toward the cross. The little boy sitting next to me looked at me and said, "Sarah, that man is Jesus." As the bags were being taken off the cross, he explained that Jesus died for our sins so that we could all go to Heaven...it doesn't matter what you've done, you can still be forgiven. Hearing this explained by a five year old as if I had no idea what was going on was a little funny but also pretty touching. I think moments like that are what make the entire week worth it. It's not about the games, crafts, or the time I take out of my day to be there...it's about possibly having a slight impact in a child's life. Plus there's also the impact a child can have on you. He reminded me that as long as I ask for it, I can find forgiveness. What an amazing week.